Winter solstice is almost upon us. And as lovely as that sounds, it marks the beginning of the worst season ever known to plague the earth. Winter.
It would be one thing if winter stayed strictly within the four month parameters of the season. But, no. Winter insists on being that relative who shows up early to every family gathering AND like that friend who can’t take a hint that it’s time for them to go home.
It’s not uncommon to wake up one morning in October, blissfully expecting a crisp fall day and seeing snow on the ground. Or to look out your window one morning in April and see flowers blooming and that afternoon see a raging blizzard.
Not to mention that the whole season is just too damn beautiful. Clouds, did anyone ask you to start sending down fluffy snowflakes that make it impossible to resist sticking out your tongue to catch in your mouth? No, we didn’t ask for that because we would all clearly love it to be dark, cold, miserable and RAINY out instead.
I’ve never once woken up in the morning and felt delight when I looked out the window and saw a fresh blanket of pristine snow covering the streets. Not to mention I’ve never marveled at making first tracks as I listen to the sound of snow crunching under my boots. Or how about those trees? Their spindly branches covered in ice, sunlight refracting off of them and glinting in the fresh morning air. Could they get any uglier?
You know what I love about summer? Taking the warmth for granted. Another reason winter sucks is because it makes you appreciate warmth. If for whatever reason you spend some time outside, your breath forming clouds as you exhale in the frigid air and snowflakes catching on your eyelashes, when you eventually come inside you’ll immediately be enveloped by a warm, toasty feeling that curls down into your toes. No, thank-you.
Not to mention there are far too many fun activities to choose from in the winter. I prefer summer, where it’s so hot that the only thing you can bear to do is lie in a puddle of your own sweat as you pray for even a hint of a breeze to pass by. Flying down a hill on a toboggan, carving fresh patterns in the snow with your skis, listening to the rhythmic sound of your skates on — people call that enjoyable?
I simply refuse to do any of those activities, preferring instead to wallow in misery for four to six months of the year as I watch the wind blow tendrils of snow in beautiful designs across my yard.
In fact, don’t even bother going outside at all, because if you do you’ll be forced to exercise. From scraping your windshield to shoveling snow to simply walking, winter makes everything more difficult. I don’t run on the treadmill for two hours every day only to get just as good of a work out trudging through the snow to my car.
Without a doubt, winter is the worst season. And don’t you dare suggest that if I hate winter so much I should just move somewhere that doesn’t get winter. Actually, the only good thing about winter is having something to complain about for half of the year with everyone around me. Helping your neighbors push their car through the snow and grimacing with the checkout girl at the grocery store over the weather forecast are quite the bonding experiences.